Click anywhere to close
The next most important topic to cover has probably got to be kindness. In my experience, this is one that people quite often get wrong. Or maybe people just don’t obsess about these things like I do? Who’s to know, really? Anyways, I digress—let’s get started.
Kindness, put simply, is the awareness of others. To be kind is to consider how other people feel and, by extension, how our actions might change how they feel.
People often mistake kindness for “being nice,” but I would like to take some time to make a distinction. A nice person is someone who tries to act in your best interest, while a kind person is one who is aware of how their actions will make you feel. It’s ideal to be nice and kind at the same time, but not strictly necessary. A nice but not kind person is the classic sitcom situation where someone tries to help but ends up making things worse because they weren’t paying attention to what was actually needed. They act with good intentions but without awareness.
Some people fail to ever achieve kindness. On the surface, it seems to come with age, but in my experience, it usually comes with tragedy. We all know a 22-year-old who thinks the whole world revolves around them. We jokingly describe them as “not even aware other people exist.” If our awareness is a camera, unkind people are pointing it at themselves.
On the flip side of that, it seems impossible to always be kind. This is like the classic story of the mind reader who is driven insane by the constant voices inside their head. It’s impossible to act if you are terrified of how it might affect people. Being kind sometimes feels to me like exposing all of my emotional nerve endings to the world. Maybe there’s something freeing in the act of floating in the ocean of emotional cause and effect—sinking into the waves.
And then, of course, there is the intense kindness that we can feel when we are close to someone. When you manage to rip yourself open and connect with someone else, it can almost feel like mind reading. I know how you feel without you needing to say a single word. Even now, this many months later, I think I can feel it. The anxious worry. The accepted sadness. The fear of the unknown. The quiet self-loathing. Everybody contains a universe; our waves just happen to crash on the same beach. Who knows, maybe I am just projecting.
I am not always a kind man. I do try, and when I’m engaged, I’m pretty good at it (if I do say so myself). But I get overwhelmed easily. I let it all crash into me too hard. I fall down and freak out. I make decisions that are not kind or nice. Then I use my kindness to beat myself up for the terrible decisions I’ve already made.
You were one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. I’m sorry I’ve let you down. I’m trying.
Happy Valentine’s Day 💝. Cruelly, I hope you wish it was me across from you at dinner. Kindly, I hope you are happy with your choices.